Where Do I Fit Online? - A Reflection

When you are a self-deprecating creative person and you get the urge to write, you drop everything. That’s what I’ve learned. So here I am. I’m not sure exactly what’s going to come out. Perhaps a catch up, perhaps something more profound. Join me and we’ll see. 

If you are a writer, or find yourself with a need to put words to page for whatever reason, you may be like me and see your writing take form to reflect the style of what you’re reading at that moment. Right now I’m flipping between two very different books. One is conversational and broad in the reach of its topics, though primarily through a fashion lens (Consumed by Aja Barber). The other is minutely detailed on singular moments in time (classic Andre Aciman - this time it’s Homo Irrealis, a book of essays). I’ve been reading a lot of feminist theory lately as well, which leads my writing to sound more forward and academic. While reading Consumed, I’m reminded of my past attempts to be perceived as the reader’s best friend, something Aja Barber does well even when covering topics like colonialism and climate change. Andre Aciman is a totally different story in terms of tone - his writing appeals to me in a very personal way, and led me to use the phrase “wonder deeply” in my last blog post, two words that have continued to pop up in my mind since then. I’m still not sure what I meant by that, but Aciman’s prose somehow brings me closer to elements of my thinking that I do not totally understand. I’m questioning my consumption habits one moment and questioning the reality of past and future the next. I’m loving it. 

I’m also loving my use of the word “prose”, that felt cool.

Reading is the only thing that I feel confident in right now. I suppose the reason for this is I don’t feel I have anything to say, so I feel more useful to society in a state of learning. Not that one cannot do both simultaneously (we should!), but I don’t currently feel able to. I’m trying to figure how I want to do both in ways that I can be proud of.

I was recently featured in a Toronto fashion magazine, it was a large multiple page spread interview, something I’ve literally dreamed of since childhood. While representing Remake they asked me questions about my take on sustainable fashion, the fashion industry, and my own consumption journey. I did my best to answer honestly and give credit to Remake for helping me get to the point I’m at now - thoroughly committed to making fashion a force for good. But the article made me a bit uncomfortable. Why would anyone want to hear from me? Don’t get me wrong I truly am grateful for the feature and proud of this accomplishment, and feel eternally proud to represent Remake in anyway I can, but I did not feel I have the experience or know-how to do justice to some of the topics brought up; not because I’m not passionate about them, don’t have opinions on them, or even some of my own experiences within the industry. I have all those things, but not to the degree that I would feel comfortable speaking with any sort of authority. I have to put it out there that I recognize the magazine was not claiming that I am an expert, the questions we’re very reasonable for me to answer with the help from the Remake team. But still, I felt undeserving. I suppose I could not ask for a more perfect jumping off point for making continuous learning a goal in my life, so the next time I’m asked for an interview (goodness, what a life), I feel more confident and sure of myself.

Non-experts find success in advocacy online all the time, because we’re all on our own learning journeys, brought together by a shared passion. This is a beautiful thing.  People seem to enjoy content from those they can relate to as another consumer, or someone in the beginning stages of their sustainable fashion journey. I too enjoy this content. But I’ve reached a point where I’ve realized I am uncomfortable making this content. Maybe this is because the world of sustainable fashion on social media feels - for lack of a better word - overwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, I would take 1 billion influencers promoting #PayUp and boycotting fast fashion over one more Shien haul. My point is not that we need less sustainable fashion influencers, oh no, please join the movement! My point is that I have lost my sense of place within this online community. I recognize how privileged I am to have this blog and my other online platforms (no-matter how modest the following), and I want to use it well. What is my niche? What do I have to contribute to these crucial conversations? Maybe I’ve answered that question in writing this blog post - I’m learning. Is that enough of a contribution? Is there enough content to be derived from a state of learning to help me keep up with the churn of Instagram? Probably. 

Maybe the reason I’m finding the content online - and my lack thereof - so overwhelming is because the content itself is socially and environmentally overwhelming. In this space, we all want to be the best advocates we can be, but we’re also human beings who contrary to some belief, DO get sick of talking about how our clothes are destroying our planet and exploiting people worldwide. Shocker! How do we find a balance between inspiring and empowering people to join this movement, educating them along the way, and not completely bumming-out ourselves and our followers? Perhaps the answer is in the fact that we as fashion-lovers, advocates, and individuals cannot bare the burden of this industry alone. I don’t think I’ve ever allowed that notion to sink in. If you have, please offer guidance. I celebrate our wins (hello, Give Your Values campaign for 100k, SB62, & The Accord), but I’m all too aware of how much more I want to do to create change. I want to learn more about policy and the role of government but don’t know where to start. I want to study sustainable fashion in a post-graduate form but I’m scared of not having the prior knowledge (and funds) to get in. I’m scared to dig too deeply into certain research topics because there’s so much information again, I don’t know where to start and I’m scared of what I will find. This is the other piece of the puzzle causing overwhelm, even when I know how lucky I am to have these avenues for personal growth as options in my life. The social media content I see everyday is inspiring and in that it is discouraging. Why say what’s already being said, especially when you are not an expert in it? Well, I have a very clear argument to that - when what you’re saying is “pay living wages, commit to circularity, join me in educating yourself, stop buying fast fashion, shop second hand, etc, etc”, the message cannot be repeated too many times. We all have our own unique audiences, and to gain one new person interested in shopping ethically is a win. Collectively our voice can and has caused waves of change. So why hold back? I’ll circle back to my all too clear signs of imposter syndrome. I don’t think I will ever feel educated enough to speak authoritatively on these topics because they are so complex, though I hope I prove myself wrong in that statement. But this doesn’t mean I shouldn’t speak at all, does it? I’m speaking right now, to you, and maybe something you’ve read here has resonated with you, or feels familiar, or maybe not. In speaking out about my discomfort in calling myself an advocate, one could argue I may be speaking to a topic many advocates face every day, and is therefore important to point out. I could believe that. 

So how do we round this off? I had a feeling something like this might spew out. In a way I warned you at the start of the post. But all of this felt important to point out, especially when we are all exhausted from, well, pretty much everything around us. It’s important to talk about the long-winded horror escapade of posting a statement making, sometimes political Instagram photo (anyone else?). Wouldn’t it be nice to be definitive and confident in one’s posts? I don’t think that will ever happen for me unless I am totally honest. Honest about my lack of expertise, confident in speaking to things I do know, and honest about where I am in my journey. I’m having a sudden flashback to my grade 11 musical (Bye Bye Birdie) - You gotta be sincere (sing it with me! Elvis voices only). Sincerity is the key here, I think. We may not all be published authors, professors or people who seem to have endless time on their hands and an infinite capacity for knowledge (I know these amazing people are only human as well), but if we are sincere in all our messages when fighting in this movement, how can we go wrong? 

I’m going to continue to think on this and experiment with sincerity in my online presence. I hope to hear from you along the way. Okay, but before I go I have to throw in another reference I’ve just reminded myself of - John Mayer live at the Nokia Theatre, Bold as Love - So, I’m gonna experiment with this love-thing. Giving love, feeling love. I know it sounds really corny but it’s the last thing I got to check out before I check out.

Aaaaaaand scene. It’s book time.

Thanks for reading. 

Emily